love through time

"I don't like it."

that was what I said after reading the story "Long Walk to Forever", not that I didn't like the story or something, it just made me feel bitter, made this forgotten (forced!) feeling rise up again like it was never even lost.

stories like this one never fail to sting me and never fail to open up that wound in my heart, how first love broke your heart, how your first love never turned out to be the one walking you down that aisle. Life is like that, when we fall for the first time we think that this is the last, and so when it ends, we feel like ending our lives too. Catherine and Newt was a better example, they taught us that true love prevails even when there is confusion. You always have to risk in order to succeed, you have to try in order to be content, cause if you don't, how will you know? There are no second chances in life, and you have to grab every opportunity while there is.

Love left unsaid is like fire burning, it may subside and it may extinguish, but once it gets enough space and air, it burns through out.... I just didn't like this kind of ending, why does it always have to be in the end when they realized that they love each other, love that's enough to forget another. It was unfair for Henry, but if I were in Catherine's case, I would do the same. I will marry the guy I know I will be happy with.

three letters from Teddy

I mentioned in my previous blog entry that sometimes the bestest of relationships begin on the wrong foot.. and this was exactly how the author and Teddy began their relationship on the wrong foot. With the other judging at once the other. The first paragraphs tell us that we shouldn't be judgmental especially that we are teachers. Yes, I am a teacher, proud to be, happy to be.. I remember what my professor told me during my first years of taking my course that inside the classroom there will always be those students who will annoy you, these students whom you silently wish will be absent for that day or maybe for the whole year. Yes it is bad, but hey this is reality. No matter how we try to be fair and equal to all of our students their will always be that evil force we call bias.

My personal principle as a teacher to be, is that I should always face the students as individuals inside a room not as a group or as a class inside a room. Why did I say this? I believe that we are unique individuals we have our own strengths, weaknesses, needs and capabilities As teachers we were trained to be accepting of this reality, we were trained to always put the child at the center and always value their needs. We have to be considerate of every aspect but of course not to the extent that we tolerate their wrong doings. The story I just rode made me more sure of this thinking that I have, that I am right, that one day this scenario will also happen to me... but I have to be better, because I am more considerate.

They say that we always remember those who are intelligent but inside the classroom I believe that we should exert more effort to those who are having a hard time cope and that we should go deeper to why this child is asking in a negative way. Teachers have to change this disposition by reaching out to the child. I have always said to myself that being an early childhood educator isn't such a hard job and is easily forgotten, but this story proved me wrong. I can make a huge impact on a child... and it is up to me if I make a hole or create stairs to a positive learning disposition. I always hope for the latter.

Never underestimate your power to teach minds, touch hearts, and change lives. As a teacher you can do all of these if you just do it right and do your job with passion and love. You can be a mother, a sister, a friend to your students... of course with limitation.. and be surprised of that one day when you receive a letter or maybe an actual encounter with your old students and tell you how you changed their lives forever.

lucky

of the many roads I took in life,
and many turns that turned out to be wrong.
I must be damn lucky to have found you here.

people i miss the most

it's been a year, well almost, since I last saw these girls. They were my best friends back in high school, and believe me they are still my best friends today. I just want to say that I miss them so much; Many times during my struggling days of being caught up in confusion on whether to be the person that society wants me to be or be that person that I think I should be they were there. They managed to accept me for who I am, a bit arrogant and strong yet soft on the inside. I have nothing but so much love and respect for these girls. During those days, we would sit outside our classroom and sing our hearts out, or talk about boys and why we couldn't have them. We were there for each other... all the time. Some of us got on the wrong foot with each other, but we managed to create a chemistry. Different but one. I guess that's how real friendship begins.. on the wrong foot.

I remember that day, when we were about to graduate from high school and they were the first people I looked for when we sang that "Through the Years" song, I just hugged them and cried with them. I knew right then and there that we were for real. Not just some click we create so that we wont feel alone and left out.. well, this one had a purpose. whatever it is, I don't know how to explain it. SORRY. But the point is, our friendship is the best thing that happened to me.

Now that we are in college and again about to graduate, I look back with so much contentment. I wasn't the most popular girl in school, nor did I have the most number of friends. My teachers do not even remember my name and my batch mates would be left with puzzled look if you ask them about me.. but these people... they made me feel like I was an important part of high school. We may not be able to be with each other all the time, or talk to each other all the time.. But one thing I know still remains, it's that bond that high school forged, something unforgettable.. legendary.

They made me the person that I am today. And for that noble job, I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart. Anna, Ange, Pat and Eds thank you so much for always being there for me.. for being the best friends and sisters that I never had. Love you guys and I miss you.. Hope to see you soon. :)

colors of life

im too lazy to put a write up here, but anyway this photo was taken using my Diana cam. no photoshop thingy here, just pure lucky shots. :))

set sail

let the child dream
lend the child your ear
for what is tomorrow if we do not trust
this generation that we made.
they are tomorrow.
they are now.
let their future be brighter than the past.
be that light.
set sail, far far away.
to the foreign sea
or to the familiar territory.

out there

somewhere out there, have you tried looking?
somewhere out there, have you thought about it?
out there I might find answers to my feelings.
out there I might find hope for what I am dreaming.
no matter how dark my path is.
no matter how hopeless it can get.
out there is where I will be.
out there is where my home will be.

note: photo was taken using Diana F, Fuji 120 Film

overused

i guess it's safe to say that not everything surpasses time.
now what's left to save me now?
from this angst of fire.
from this blurring sight.
overused. overrated.

flight to midnight.

I walked the steps.
I ran the race.
Quite confusing isn't it?
The clock says AM.
But the darkness is everywhere.
My body is slipping.
Away.
My flight to midnight.

note: this photo was taken using Diana F, normal lens, 120 film.

frustrations in life... and er.. love.

this are the top 7 things that frustrates the hell out of me:

1. Singing
2. Height
3. Dancing
4. Interpersonal skills
5. Humor
6. Photography
7. Creativity

I wish that I was a good singer, or at least be able to hit one right note. I wish I was just a cm taller so that I would be in the 5 feet average Filipina height. I wish I was a good dancer, to compensate for my lack of singing skills. I wish I can talk to people without feeling awkward or stupid afterwards. I WISH I CAN CRACK JOKES without being the first and only person to laugh. I wish and I really do wish to be a talented photographer and possess that "eye" for breathtaking raw shots! and lastly I wish that creative juices will flow continuously from me.

AMEN.

lomography is an art.

rule 1: there are no rules.


this photo was taken at my high school.. Yes, I graduated from the Manila Science High School..

the first Science High School in the country.. I am oozing with pride!

in the picture you can see our then principal (Mrs. Rosita Herson) in blue mayor (Lito Atienza) in red, and the artist in green. Isn't it awesome? Oh yes it is.

This photo was taken by my baby, Diana F. "F" is for flash.. this photo is extremely old school. Photos are grainy and has a vignette effect. DIANA F is known for this superb characterisitcs. I'll tell you more about lomography next time. BTW, the lens I used for this photo is called Fish Eye lens. It is called such because it gives your photo the "fish eye" effect thus the circular effect and magnified look on the photo. This camera uses a 120 film! Pretty old school. :)) too bad I haven't used the cam for a long time now.

The Way I am, The Way He is

this is a collaboration that my friend (Aeron Paul Manabo- he's an awesome guy! with lots of surprising talent!) did last summer 2010. I hope you guys enjoy reading this long poem of ours. BTW, there are two people speaking in this poem the guy (normal font) and the girl (italicized). ENJOY!

I'm not good-looking,
Nor am I strong.
Falling and Failing.
I always do wrong.

My friends, they ask me all the time.
They are amused about how strange I seem to be.
You see, this guy caught my eye.
He even stole my heart.
He was strange in all possible ways.
But strange as it can be, he made me fall head over heels.

I am not popular,
Not a big shot.
I don't have a car.
I am just a small dot.

He wasn't the most popular guy in school.
Like I care about it.
He didn't have much.
But with the way I see him.
He seems to offer me the best package deal ever.

I don't have friends.
They think I'm odd.
I don't follow trends.
But, I'm no dud.

I have nothing.
To show my value.
I don't have anything,
Only my virtue.


I wonder why, he thinks he has no value.
When for me, he is everything life and love can be.
I don't know why he doesn't see.
He's the truest thing that I ever knew.
He's pretty much comfortable with the way he is.
And I love the way he is.

You love me.
The way I am.
I can be myself.
I don't have to change.

Some people see,
not the inside.
They look,
Only on the outside.


I can't seem to understand why some people do not see it like the way I do.
They only see the outside, and never comprehend what's inside.
If they can only look through my eyes,
If they can only feel the way my heart beats when he's around.
This guy is more than money can offer.
This one guy shows all of love's meaning in a smile.

You're not like them.
You're different.
You followed your heart.
You believed in me.

I hope he reads this poem of mine.
Then maybe he'd realize how he means to me.
That he's unlike any other guy I've met.
He followed his heart and loved me with all of it.
He believed in me when everyone doubted my thoughts.
He was the man a boy never grows out to be.

That's why I thank you.
With all of my heart.
That's why I love you,
the way you are.

back to basics

i remember that day when I started writing. I was inside the confines of my purple bedroom that was tampered with posters of my favorite boyband.. Blue. I was even listening to their song "If you come back".. that day I was experiencing the infatuation of my lifetime.

Yes. Puppy love...

I was writing poems about him, how I wanted him.. and he can never be mine.

cheesy. super cheesy.

Until today, I still write about him.

cramming my way up.

good thing. I said to myself.
The vehicle seemed full when I lined.
Some crazy people cut me in line.
I wanted to fight, but no words came out.
Darn it.
I crammed my self inside this crowded hall.
I knew no one.
I felt exhausted.
I felt breathless.

It went up.
It went to a stop.
I went out.
I was out of sight.

lost in space with my blank mind

is he thinking about me too?

and just about..

and just when you are finally ready to open up your heart and give falling in love a second chance.. something happens that will make you hesitate..

love is a joke.

time makes it a tragedy.

first and foremost.

First and foremost i would like to introduce myself..

hi my name is Inna, I am a girl, and I am in my early 20's...
and no this is not my first blog account. to be honest I have made about 5 blogs already but none of them were, well.. kept and updated by me. So let us all cross our fingers and hope that I may be able to update this one.

To begin with, I was again motivated to start a blog because of this book that I read in one of the bookstores while passing time. Although it was only the synopsis that I was able to read.. at least it moved me to start a blog again..

Well so much of that book, back to me.. after all this blog is all about me.. my encounters, experiences, frustrations in life and love.. all of which I know you are not interested in.. I guess writing is just therapeutic for me.. It's healthy.. might as well try it for yourself. Aside from being a woman in her early 20's, I am studying to become a teacher someday.. well an Early Childhood educator to be exact. I am now in my fourth year of college at one of the country's "top universities". My opinion on that? well, yes some schools are really better than some, but I guess the basis for judgment is very shallow.. I have learned that a school can become "top" if the faculty and students are able to produce scholarly works (researches etc.) and depends on how many times these are cited by other people.. NOT ALL SCHOOLS HAVE RESOURCES to produce quality outputs... so much for my school.

I dream of studying somewhere away from this place, not that I am fed up with the people.. I love my family.. my friends and I will definitely miss them. But I think and I believe that this country do not deserve a teacher like me. I think I am way too good. HAHA. just kidding, well, of course I dream of serving my country.. I actually to be involved in some small- time charity work and share whatever I have learned..

What else about me? I don;t know... just let this blog unfold the true me.